Dreams

Today is the day I officially stop counting days.  From here on out, when asked how long I have been doing this, I will say "A few months."  This is mostly because I no longer have the integrity to report each days events. Which is mostly because the last few days have seen me tuck and roll as I leapt  off the wagon of my diet.  Basically, I just didn't get back to it when the weekend was over.
My family had a bit of a medical emergency over the weekend. It kept my mind on things other than my "training regimen", so it was easy to justify eating garbage until things got sorted out.  I haven't suffered any serious setbacks.  I'm a couple pounds over my lowest weight from last week, but nothing serious.  I have also been hit and miss with my workouts so all things considered I'm doing okay.
As always I face tomorrow with a new resolve.  I have to, the Crusher is coming.
Ah, The Crusher.  It has consumed my thoughts since Monday when I registered.  I misjudged the popularity of the race.  I fully expected it to sell out the first day.  It didn't.  But it was fun to act like I was battling for a spot.  As I commented to Cobourn while we were waiting for registration to open, "...if there are only like twelve dudes that sign up tonight, we're totally gay."  As it stands just under 100 brave souls have signed up. Not quite making us gay, but certainly bringing our heterosexuality into question.
To be clear, I do not fear being able to complete the race.  And I'm not terribly concerned about not making the time cutoffs. Nor am I overly concerned about winning.  Competitiveness has never been my most outstanding feature. But I do want to have an above average showing.  Top half of the pack I should hope.  And in my estimation I've got a way to go to achieve that.

Joel 2:28
And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions:


Now that I am about to complete my 35th year.  I'm not sure that I qualify as either an old man, or a young man.  So perhaps the dream I had last night is neither a dream nor a vision.
Anyway, I will try my best to explain it as I understood it.
I was riding with some sort of club.  On the road. The ride eventually became several of us in a room talking, and then became just me and the leader of the group talking over a desk, as you would at a job interview.  He was telling me that if I was going to be a serious racer, I would have to quit my day job. (Not a terrible prospect though I was concerned at how I was going to make this transition and not lose my house.) He kept telling me that I would have to ride more than I had been. I kept saying "Yeah, that's fine, I can do that"  But was genuinely concerned about how to pay the bills while I was becoming a serious racer.
Then it got weird. The leader of the group became Lance Armstrong.  And we were no longer in an office, but a limo.  This for some reason seemed perfectly logical.  So now, Armstrong and I were chatting about bikes, and about racing, though we were no longer talking about me racing.  I was no longer in a job interview, but discussing becoming part of Armstrong's entourage.  He was telling me that he had "like two dozen dudes in his posse."  I remember thinking what a douche he was for calling it his posse.  The limo pulls up to a grand hotel.  And we start trying on suits in the lobby.  All the while, he's explaining to me that we all have to look good when we're around him.  He speaks as though I have been accepted into "the posse", but it's sort of on a trial basis. I also determine that being in "The Posse" means that I no longer have to work.  Armstrong keeps saying things like "We'll get your clothes fixed up, and then you just have to ride more." and "The only thing you have to do to stay here is to ride more."  I never meet any other members of "The Posse".  I begin to suspect that I am really the only member of  "The Posse" due to Armstrong being kind of a douche.  I ask him if he would like to go for a ride with me now.  He says "I don't ever ride with you guys, but you should definitely go for a ride, you need to ride more."
Then my alarm goes off.  Besides the obvious similarities to my friendship with Cobourn, what do you think this all means?
Morning Weigh In:

• 177.6
• 21.7%
• Total Weight Loss:22.2

Day 64 and 65

I'm such a tease.  I didn't post my "adjusted" 60 day photo yesterday like I said I would.  I can explain why, you see, I overslept a little and was about ten minutes late to spin class yesterday.  Spring Break in Utah County is still wreaking havoc on attendance, so with Jeff and his lovely wife and two menopausal women we sweat out the hour, or I should say slightly less than an hour with the instructor Moneka.  As I have said before, I have tried other spin classes, and I prefer Moneka's.  It is mainly because she picks the best music.  If I never hear that stupid "Aaaaaay Oh" song again it will be too soon.  Moneka seems to be a reformed f-chick as we used to call them back in the day.  Other commonly used terms would be metal-chick, stoner, butt-rocker, etc.  Thursday however she outdid herself.  The "Cycle Jam" included The Devil Went Down To Georgia, Immigrant Song, and Keep 'Em Separated.  Bar none the best spin class music I have ever experienced.  The high points were good enough to forgive her little forays into Journey and Godsmack.  I'd even say they were good enough to forgive her for the horrendous spelling of her name.
In any event, a good class. Went to work, and hustled home to catch Stan and the Utah Velo Club's first Vineyard Crit of the season.  I've ridden with Stan and Velo Club Vice Principal, Drew Decker a lot in the past.  But I've never done this "race".  We started at the shop, then rode out to the lake shore and into Vineyard where we hung a right and tiptoed our bikes past the jersey barriers that block the road into a subdivision that never happened.  They got as far as the utility improvements, curb and gutter, but then either the warmongering Republicans' wasteful spending, or the socialist elite Democrats' wasteful spending destroyed the economy and no homes were ever built.  What is left is perfectly smooth asphalt, laid out in blocks, with roundabouts on the corners.  And thanks to the barriers, no cars to worry about.  Hell yes.
We took a neutral lap to make sure everyone was familiar with the course.  Then did a 20 minutes+ 3 laps crit. Having never done a crit before I wasn't really up on the technique.  Essentially it's Cyclocross without barriers or dirt.  Local cycling could'a-been Matt Bright was there barking out pointers that usually ended up with me pulling into the belligerent wind out of the north.  I stayed at the front, trading pulls with Matt and a guy named Seth for eleven laps.  Then on the final lap, Seth, Matt, and 70 year old Stan Swallow sucked my doors off in the last half block to the finish.  Lessons learned in my first crit.  Don't ever pull.
Due to pretty strict adherence to my diet that day, I had not eaten since lunch, and was in a pretty serious calorie deficit.  The race, the rest of the ride, and the spin class I rocked in the morning had taken their toll.  On the ride back home which was almost entirely into the wind, I started to fade fast.  Made it home, and inhaled a bunch of pasta, white bread, shrimp, M&M's, a protein shake, some crackers, some cookies, and another fistful of M&M's.  The bonk took over, it couldn't be helped.  After that binge, I sat down on the couch and was unconscious by 8:45 pm.  I just didn't have the energy to take tasteful topless images of myself last night.
But, I managed to get them today.

First the "before" image from February 13:

Note the sad face and prominence of "Hairy Belly-fonte".
Now the "during" image from today:

Through the magic of television, I have lost almost 25 pounds.  Through the magic of my Wahl home hair cutting trimmers, I have lost some belly-fur.
There is something about taking camera phone pictures of yourself in a bathroom that makes you feel like you should be on some sex-offender registry. But I think it would be even more humiliating to say "Honey, could you take some pictures of me with my shirt off?"
So the question will be "Are you sucking it in?"  The answer will be yes. But in the interest of truth in journalism here is what remains:

It has been a long time since I was worrying about pinching an inch.  Since the late 90's I've been grabbing a slab.  It's still there, but my umbilical hernia scar is starting to be above my bellybutton again instead of inside it. Baby steps.
I made it to the gym this morning, but keeping with tradition started the weekend binge a little early with a Friday morning breakfast burrito.  I am ashamed to admit, that after the first one, I was so hungry still that I pulled into another breakfast burrito hotspot and got another one.  The two of them managed to tide me over until evening, but since my family dragged me to the worst movie I have ever seen, I didn't get an evening workout in.  Then we followed up the popcorn with a trip to Coney's and a Sonoran Dog. Don't you judge me.  It's the weekend.  And that sucker was delicious.
Planning to get in a big ride tomorrow, of course then I have to attend a Brother-In-Law's surprise birthday party at Up-Chuck-A-Rama.  Yeah, we're classy like that.
Morning Weigh In:

• 175.6(no change)
• 21.2%
• Total Weight Loss:24,2

Day 63

I'm learning fun little things about my body every day.
Today I learned that when I am tired, other parts of my body compensate for weak or straining muscles.  Such was the case when I was pushing for the elusive "just one more" shoulder press, eyes bulging out of my head, shaking arms, and then my back did something I didn't enjoy.  Not sure what exactly, but when I stood up, my head was no longer able to pivot independently from the rest of my body.  Laid down and tried to stretch or twist or somehow put something back where it should be, but the run home from the gym, and the remaining work day were endured, not relished like usual.  A few thousand milligrams of Ibuprofen later and I'm more or less back to normal.  And I've learned that less is less, and more usually isn't worth it.
I was feeling well enough for a quick ride after work.  Jeff and I took the fixies up to Alpine for some slow burn. Here's a tip, even if you only have one gear, and no freewheel, keep your chain clean.  It's amazing how much better the Langster rolls with a blinging chain. It was sort of a blustery Pooh-bear day, but we beat the real wind home by a few minutes. Well I did.  Jeff stuck with me all the way back to my house, and then had to fight the headwind for two miles back to his house.  I got a text saying he had been brought to a complete stop by the wind twice before he got home.
MATURE CONTENT WARNING: Tomorrow I will be posting a "during" photo of me with my shirt off.  There will be hairy nipples.  You have been warned.
Morning Weigh-In:

• 176.4
• 21.4%
• Total Weight Loss:23.4

Day 62

Hey look at me! Two days in a row.
It's getting sad at spin class.  No exaggeration, there were four dudes there for the 5:30 class this morning.  No women.  Not even our dear friend Spazzy MacGoo.  She is a woman who is entirely too enthusiastic.  She's not really loud, but she has hair that's long enough to need to be tied back, but for some reason she refuses to.  She bobs and weaves like Muhammed Ali post-parkinsons.  Her hair dangles in front of her face like a sheepdog and she bounces  along to the music like the front row at a Quiet Riot concert.
Whoops, I got sidetracked.  Anyway, like I said.  Four chubby dudes in a class with thirty bikes.  Might have something to do with the fact the 60% of the bikes are broken in some manner or another.  Nice to see our membership is going to pay for the half dozen adolescent girls minding the front desk in the evening.
Speaking of the evening, my new favorite thing to do is run to the gym, lift, then run home.  It's only about a mile or so from my house.  That way, before any of my tendons or joints completely betrays me, I'm there, and all warmed up to lift.  The downside is I sweat like queer eating a hot dog when I start lifting.  I spent nearly as much time wiping down equipment tonight as I did lifting. Which is not to say I didn't get anything done.  A solid hour of elevated heart rate and pushing until failure.  I'll be sore in the morning which will suck, since I'm supposed to  meet Jeff to lift at 6am.
Feeling totally back in the swing though.  Sticking to the diet, packing lousy tasteless lunches, which is making me much more productive at work because there's no reason to linger over bland chicken and an apple.  Maybe I'll get a raise.
Killed it at the weigh-in this morning.  New low*.
Morning Weigh-In:

• 177.2*
• 23.5%(?)
• Total Weight Loss:22.6

Day 57-61 (Two Months, Give Or Take)

I guess I don't really feel like I've reached the 60 day mark, since my total includes the four day binge at the beginning.  I guess I feel that way because I feel stupid that the 60 day mark came and went with me sitting on the couch with tortilla chip crumbs all over my shirt.
Yes, despite the supposed motivation of "The Crusher", I didn't really make good on the whole being inspired thing.  In fact I spent the end of last week and into the weekend doing jack-squat.  And eating like  Rulon Gardner on the hidden binge cam.  The "holding steady" thing lulled me into a false sense of security.  That, coupled with the weather from last week made the couch look awfully damn inviting.  I found myself not weighing because I was dreading what it would tell me.  So I hadn't weighed since last time I posted (Wednesday of last week). Even with the Crusher looming a mere 14 weeks or so away I wasn't really giving it my best effort. Or any effort for that matter.
But, with the shame that only two cups of gravy poured over a pork roast for Sunday dinner can provide, I started this week with the motivation that I should have had last week.  My lovely wife got behind me too, when last night she suggested ice cream as a farewell indulgence before the re-introduction to the diet. Ice Cream is her thing.  Mine was Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.
Woke up this morning and met Jeff at the gym.  We lifted for an hour.  Okay, we probably actually lifted for thirty or forty minutes and shot the shit for the balance of the time we spent there.  But I'm counting it as an hour.
When you've been off your diet for a couple weeks, the diet stuff in the fridge isn't very appealing.  Both because you've been crushing carbs and fats, and because it's old and stale.  Nibbled on a nasty lunch of rubbery carrots, questionably fresh strawberries, and my old friend grilled chicken breast.  I didn't even remember to grab my travel bottle of Cholula.  It was a hard day.
But, it got better when I got home.  Jeff was feeling spunky and wanted to ride after work.  The weather was finally in favor of cycling so we rode up to Timp Cave and back. A twenty-ish mile trip from my house.  It honestly felt good to be back in the swing of two-a-days.  Plus with no wind, and a little sunshine it just felt good to be out on a bike period.
I came home and my long suffering and supportive wife made a fritatta that we split for dinner.  It looked suspiciously like an omelet, but it makes her feel all Fancy Nancy to call it a fritatta so I'll let her have it.
The good news is, that despite last week, I had only a minor gain this morning, and was actually back down this afternoon.
For those keeping track, the goal is 165.
And just to keep you thirsty for more, when I reach the adjusted 60 day mark(day 64) I will post hot topless pics. Of me, just so we're clear.
Morning Weigh-In:

• 181
• 20.5%
• Total weight loss:18.8

Day 55-56

In full Crusher mode now.  I have decided I need to reconnect with my diet.  I had begun to think that since I was holding steady with my weight, that I would slide a little on the food side of things and let the increased mileage I was doing on the bike do it's job as the weather got warmer.  That plan was working, until I got all geeked out on the Crusher.
Now I have several anxieties to address.  The most pressing of which is the altitude.  The highest point of the race is around 11,500 ft.  I'm not sure I have ever pedaled a bike at that altitude.  The closest I have come is a trip to Brianhead last summer.  We shuttled(as in drove) our bikes to the top of the ski resort, then pedaled maybe a half mile to the top of the Dark Hollow trail.  That half mile had my eyes bulging and chest heaving. Like that scene in Total Recall when Ahhnold is exposed to Mars' atmosphere. Luckily the next part of the ride was basically an elevator shaft. Two summers ago, I haphazardly joined a group of social deviants for the Depic(Dipshit Epic) which started at Alta, then pedaled up over Catherine's Pass which I think was about 10,000 ft.  I crested the pass with a splitting headache and a minor cardiac arrhythmia.  The highest point of my "regular" riding is up American Fork Canyon which I believe doesn't take me any higher that 8,000 ft.
So the question is, how do I prepare for such a ride?  I say ride because I really have no delusions of being a contender of any kind in the race.  I just don't want to be the guy in the fetal position on the side of the road  waiting for emergency medical technicians.  I've done eighty miles before, no sweat.  I've done a lot of climbing in a day, though I didn't spend most of that time at altitude.
I believe popular opinion is that I need to sleep high, train low.  I've got train low covered.  But how do I sleep high?  With limited vacation days, spending the preceding weeks in Park City doesn't seem like a viable option.  I suppose I'm just resigned to a painful, terrible, time in the Tushars.  Can't wait.
So for now my plan is this.  Get back on the diet.  It's easier to haul 160 some odd pounds up that mountain than it is to haul 170 some odd pounds.  Ride a lot of distance, with a lot of climbing.  Luckily, I don't have to travel far to find hills to ride up.  And with the snow beginning to recede, I'll soon be able to climb higher longer.  Understand, that I am still planning on registering in my age group, not the Pro/open category.  Essentially the "Sport" class.  I am and always will be a weekend warrior at best.  But I want to make a reasonable showing.
Pray for this sinner, now and at the hour of my death, Amen.
Morning Weigh-In:

• 180.2
• 21.0%
• Total Weight Loss: 19.6

Day 53-54

Officially slacking.  All around.  After my ride Saturday, I was feeling pretty superior to all the chubby folks out there.  Then I spent the entire day Sunday napping, and eating cinnamon rolls, with cream cheese frosting.  In my defense I was recovering from self-performed-surgery.  You see, I have a genetic disposition referred to as "covered in moles and skin-tags".  It's really pretty gross.  For years I have had a huge one in my "down there" region.  I had a little bout of insomnia Saturday night and was on the couch watching TV. I also have a propensity for scratching my gear when I'm mindlessly watching television.  At 2:30 in the am I decided to bust out the scalpel and take that sucker off.  I nearly died.  Aron Ralston ain't got nothing on me.  Would it make you think I was a little more hard core if I told you I did it solely for the weight loss benefits?  Maybe not for the weight loss, but definitely for the vanity of the thing.  Looking good naked is in both the mission statement and masthead of this little endeavor.
I did manage to make it to the gym this morning, lifted for an hour and must have done something wrong because when I got home my back was all screwed up.  I haven't had this much back pain in years.  I don't do anything that really strains your back.  Mostly machines, bench press, you know, sissy stuff.  I did do a few pull ups this morning, and by a few I mean my sets went eight, then five, then three.  But I can't see how that would have caused my spine to buckle.  Also, I have decided not to do pull-ups anymore.
Breakfast was allright, but since I was rushing at lunch, I hit the Maverik for some hot counter fare.  Not my best food decision ever.  Nothing called a "Steak and Cheese Bundle" can be a healthy food choice.  Also, I'm not sure there was anything I would consider steak or cheese in that bundle.
With my motivation waining I came home and plopped down in front of the computer.  And like a pillar of light from the heavens, the site for the "Crusher In The Tushar" is finally up.
Historically, the only bike races I enter are the weird ones.  If it's just a contest to see who's best at exercising I don't have much interest.  Add in some snow or adverse conditions, a 24 hour relay, a slingshot biathlon, anything to make it unique and you have my attention.  The Crusher had me at Hello.
Billed as a Roadirt race, not even the choice of  what type of bike to ride is clear.  You start in beautiful downtown Beaver, Utah, and from there climb 12,350 feet on a combination of dirt roads and paved roads to Eagle Point ski resort.  There is just something effed up about that.  And that something is why I am totally down with this race.  I intend to ride my Cyclocross bike. Skinny tires, and a good five or six pounds lighter than any mountain bike I've ever owned.  The drop bars mean I can get low on the descents.  I may consider putting on a triple.  But that might be a little too immasculating. Not like admitting to the world you cut a skin-tag off you nutsack with a razor for vanity's sake.
Now I have a real reason to get skinny.
Morning Weigh-In:

• 180.4
• 21.2%
• Total Weight Loss: 19.6

Day 48-52

I confess.  I have somewhat abandoned the diet portion of this uhhh, diet.  Not permanently mind you.  But, through a combination of laziness, several offers of free lunch, and one Friday afternoon "screw it" lunch at Rocky Mountain Wing Shak I reached the end of the week without having any honest to goodness diet days.  But here's the thing.  I'm holding steady under 180 pounds.
I am also riding a lot more which makes a difference.  Having a new road bike has made the road seem much more appealing.  Not that I am abandoning mountain biking by any means.  But with Lambert Park being the only nearby singletrack that's viable.  The hum of skinny tires on asphalt under a sexy new bike is currently a little more enticing.  Tuesday ZenMasterKenny called me about an evening ride up Suncrest.  Felt good, and I learned that the new rig descends like a fallen angel(that's a good thing). When the weather got fantastic on Thursday, I had an appointment to install a new sink for my in-laws and didn't ride.  On Friday, with the weather still being fantastic, I cut out of work early to take advantage.  I had also recently acquired a Garmin Edge 500 GPS computer.  Which is now the coolest thing I own. Check this out.  There is no BS'ing with this thing.  It tracks my heart rate, speeds, % grade, cadence, everything and puts it on the web for all to see.  If you thought I was annoying before with the LoseIt updates on Facebook, wait till you've had a week or so of "look what I rode" updates.
The good news is I haven't had to make a return to running since before I went to Fruita.  My knees, hips, and tendons thank me for that.  Covering twenty five miles in the same time it takes me to cover 6 is always going a win in my book.
This morning the good weather looked to be hanging around for at least enough time to get a good ride in. Cobourn came down into God's Country and we headed up over Suncrest again and into Not God's Country.  Looped down through Sandy, then over to Redwood and headed back south. Redwood has seen some significant improvement south of Riverton these days, and despite being a windy bitch, it was a good ride.  That's two for two road rides with Cobourn which have resulted in flats, so I may never ride with him again.
After the ride, I had to go wrestle the Roto-Tiller at my Dad's so they could plant their garden, then came home and got the Christmas lights down.  Yeah, I know.
All in all a pretty good week.  No major losses, but no gains at all.  In fact, after my ride up to Tibble Fork yesterday I stepped on the scale and saw 177.  Then I ate dinner and it disappeared again.
Still hitting the gym for spin or weights in the early morning.  When it starts being somewhat light at 6 am I will give up Spin class FOREVER. Or at least until next winter.  Pray for me to be able to get my shit together diet wise, and maybe I'll start losing again.
Morning Weigh In:

• 178.2
• 21.3%
• Total Weight Loss: 21.4