Crawling Out Of My Hole

I am alive.
It was touch and go there for a bit but I may survive. After my last post my phone rang and I ended up having to go to work.  Which kind of sucked, but also kind of forced me to pull myself up by the bootstraps.  I came home early and slept a lot.
By yesterday, I felt better. The snow-pocalypse also kept me busy with constant snow removal.  We have a bargain basement single-stage snowblower that I bought when we lived in a house with a mile and a half or so of sidewalk.  It is way overkill for our current situation but it makes me ashamed so I keep going towards the neighbors, down the sidewalk etc.  The reason I bore you with this is because it represents the entirety of my exercise since last Thursday evening. No gym, no spin class.  Just following a two stroke engine around the neighborhood. I guess if I'm being honest I did take a 2.5 mile hike Saturday to mark the course for the Frozen Hog.  That was just a walk. As soon as the car was in sight I ran to it and headed for home.
Food wise I threw in the towel.  I didn't get totally out of line. Mostly just some passionate kissing. A little over the clothes action. Nothing that would get me thrown out of student housing at BYU. I assume. Never made it out of College Study Skills at the community college.  What were we talking about?
Oh yeah, food. More or less back on track today.  I went a little nuts at lunch but then TOTALLY redeemed myself by doing some nerd walking(snowshoeing) the Frozen Hog course which is now buried beneath  24 inches of blower pow.  Makes for a difficult bike race. We shall press on.
A little piece of awesomeness did come into my life.  By begging and whining I acquired a "Fatbike" to use for a couple days.

As you can see, a fat bike is a bike with morbidly obese tires. 4.7 inches bitches.  Made for riding snow, sand etc.  I believe it will be the next bike purchase I make. My maiden voyage will be tomorrow morning to try to ride the race course.  It will replace spin class. It will be WAY funner.

Morning Weigh-In:
No Data Available
I expect to have gained a couple tomorrow.
Not proud.

Milestone, The Hard Way

It is 5:46 am on Day 8 of this little party. I am not on my way to the gym.  I am however happy(?) to report that I am into the 180's again.
Despite a couple of carb crazy binges over the weekend I have continued to lose weight fighting this sickness.  I haven't been to the doctor yet.  I figure, if it's the flu they can't do anything about it and if it's not then it has to be something unseen in humankind before and I want to make sure I work out a deal to get it named after me.
No real stomach problems along with it.  My symptoms rotate predictably.  Each night I wake up around 1 am drenched in sweat.  We're talking change the sheets drenched. I get up and have a coughing fit. My entire body also aches. Then I take some cough medicine and some ibuprofen. Change my clothing and grab an extra blanket because now I'm cold.  Painfully cold.  Shivering cold.  It takes about an hour to warm up and doze off again.  This lasts until about 5:15am.  At which point I wake up drenched in sweat again.  But now it's late enough to be considered morning. So I get up and take a shower. When I run out of hot water, I have warmed up to where the flop sweats are beginning again.  So I sit in the recliner in my underwear until I start to get cold.(This is my current position)  Then a coughing fit starts.  At this point I figure I am up for the day so I take the generic equivalent of DayQuil. I also take the generic equivalent of Tylenol.  If I don't make it I would like somebody to ask Kellie if she feels like losing her husband was worth the $1.50 she saved on over the counter medicine.
I have coughed enough to screw up my voice.  If I just talk normally I sound like a mouse. If I do my best Christian Bale Batman impression I sound like Christian Bale Batman.  Pick your poison.  Batman takes a lot of energy but sounds cool.  Squeaky voice requires no effort but hurts more and makes my five year old daughter giggle at me.
I will sit in this chair until the sun comes up and then probably go back to bed.  Around noon I will soak the sheets again and repeat the shower, chair, shiver regimen. But I will put on clothes just because it feels better.  And I can always ditch the clothes and find my least soggy pair of pajama pants and go back to sleep. New and exciting in the last 12 hours I think I have begun to detach my  left retina.  Each cough brings searing pain in that eye and the only thing that helps is to close the eye very hard and apply pressure with the palm of my hand.  I am fully expecting to pop my left eye out onto my cheek before this is all over.
All this doesn't leave a lot of time for working out.  It also doesn't leave a lot of time for eating.  Yesterday I had a protein shake in the morning and then didn't think about eating until late in the evening.  I had some leftover BBQ chicken wrapped in bread thing that Kellie made Saturday.  I had a lot of it. I don't care.

Morning Weigh In:

• 189.8
• 24.6%
• Total Weight Lost 10.2 lbs

Day 5 Roadblock

After I wrote the last post, I closed my computer and moved to the couch. It was all downhill from there.  The sludge in my throat from the run in the sewer air took hold of me and still has not let go. I have never been sick like this.  It's not in my lungs, and it's not in my head. It's not even really in my throat.  I cough and feel all kinds of cheese moving around.  If I had to pinpoint it I would say it's between my epiglottis and my xphoid process. I do not have a sore throat but my windpipe hurts.
Needless to say I did not go to the gym Friday.  I slept as late as I could and still be employed.  Then I did as little as possible all day. They owe me for all the short lunches this week.
I also tucked and rolled off the wagon in regards to food.
While grabbing a drink at a gas station I noticed a retro bag of Jumpin' Jack Doritos. I didn't even really think.  I subconsciously grabbed them, paid for them and ate the entire bag in the parking lot.  A small bag, but an entire bag none the less.
Then I was forced to go to lunch with a customer. I can't just NOT eat when the company is buying.  A 12 oz New York strip steak and a salad later the day was pretty much a total loss.
I limped home and got into stretchy pants.  Spent the rest of the evening watching movies, slipping in and out of consciousness and hacking.  Somehow during that time SOMEBODY ate three slices of pizza and a good portion of a bag of Cherry Juju valentine hearts.
I'm not proud.  But I am also not in my right mind.
Last night was spent moving betweens hot flashes and shivering fits.  While in a semi-sleep state I started hallucinating colors and bubbles.  It became very significant each time a new bubble appeared because it represented something important in my life.  Like a person or life choice.  It made perfect sense at the time.
I have always intended to take weekends "off". So especially while sick I won't be doing anything this weekend.  I had to get up Saturday morning and go mark the course for The Frozen Hog race. It was a 2.5 mile hike through the slush and ice. At least the air was cleaner up there.
Hoping I get better this weekend because next weekend is going to suck even if I'm healthy.
Morning Weigh-In(Friday):

• 193.8
• 37.2%(possible malfunction)
• Total weight loss 6.2 lbs

Day 4

Hungry.  It took me four days to get hungry. When your body is used to ~4000 calories a day and you cut back to 1500-2000, something has got to give.
Had some windshield time with work today and it gave me time to think about being hungry. Not starving, just hungry. Coincidentally, today was also the day I decided to cut lunch back because it was killing me calorie wise.
Good news, they sell food EVERYWHERE.   I feel better about things when I order a "veggie burrito".
Luckily it was a heavy cardio day.  After a spin class this morning, I came home from work and, went to spin class.  It's not that I like spin class so much as I like to shut my brain off and let somebody else tell me what to do.  Unless they are telling me to do one-leg drills.  Eff you, I'm not doing one leg drills.  In no scenario ever have I been on a bike and thought "Man, I wish I had practiced pedaling with one leg." Never.  It seems to upset the balance of the class when I am the lone dissenter.  I am going to wear a black leather glove next time and raise my fist in the air while defiantly looking down and pedaling like a normal person.
I will not be in spin class tomorrow for several reasons.  First and foremost, I am out of bike related clothing.  A side effect of two a days is piles of soggy, stinky, clothes. If I'm being honest, I usually double dip.  Hang them up so they can dry and put them back on in the evening.  It's gross. I don't care. Tomorrow is also "WOO!" day.  Taught by a leathery old broad with a voice and face for radio.  A lot of Journey, Boston, blech. It's headphone time when I'm within earshot.  Although unless I crank up the headphones I'm still able to hear the RAGNAR crowd in there yell "WOO!!!" when the instructor yells "ARE YOU FEELING IT?!" On top of all that I'm just sick of spin class. So, that's several reasons.
It appears that the foamy fat is all gone.  Weight loss counted in ounces today instead of pounds. And that was after several minutes trying to force a few more drops out during my morning pee.
Morning Weigh In:

• 194.4
• 24.8%
• Total Weight Loss: 5.6 lbs

3 Days

Lucky thing I'm awesome.  Today was a bit of a challenge to stay motivated. To start with, I got a little delayed on the way to the gym. One of the neighbors had some car trouble and I took a couple minutes to help. Didn't get to the gym til I normally would be wrapping things up.  Decided to run which is still my least favorite way to sweat.  Keeping the running short and so far no knee or ankle trouble.
I have been weezing since the ill advised outdoor run last night.  Throat burning, chunky lungs. On top of that any time I went out and breathed the cold sewer air it got worse.  More than once today I horked up a gnarly green lower life form.  They seemed to have the beginnings of a spinal column and a brain stem. Staying inside as much as possible helps.
When I got home Kellie had made a weird cinnamon chocolate chili.  It sounds terrible  for taste and calories, but it wasn't bad in either respect. Lunches are tough.  I am finding that there is no way to include a sandwich of any kind without killing your calorie budget. On a positive note, my employer is probably stoked I am packing a small lunch because it usually ends up making for a short lunch break.
I nearly talked myself out of going to the gym tonight. But then I remembered Moody making fun of my resolve. Made it to the gym and ran again, then lifted for a little while. It made me feel like I had done something.  The lung cheddar has made me lose a little intensity or whatever you want to call it.  Hard to get my heart rate up, tiring quickly.
I don't have high hopes for the rest of the week. This air has to clear out. It is depressing and makes it impossible to do anything outside.
Tomorrow morning I will line up with Spazzy MacGoo again. I seem to have bigger weight loss days when I start with spin class so here's hoping.
Morning Weigh-In:

• 194.8
• 25.4%
• Total Weight Loss 5.2 lbs

Day 2 Of The Battle With The Deuce

So far so good.
Hit the spin class that I can stand this morning.  Moesha or Moneka or whatever is the teacher.  None of these pushups on the handlebars or one leg drills.  Just go hard, go easy, go fast, cool down type stuff. Little to no "Woo!" girls. In fact, men outnumber the women in this class.  Maybe it's because it starts at 5:30am. Good to see that she hasn't changed her playlist in the year or so since I've been there.  Also good to see that Spazzy MacGoo is still a regular.  Spazzy has been part of that class as long as I have been going there.  Spazzy usually comes in a couple minutes late, fiddles with her bike for no less than three minutes then jumps on and spazzes out. She can't pedal without bobbing her head so her shortish blonde hair wags. Whenever  we stand and pedal she finds some odd yoga pose to add to it for extra credit. Then she makes a large production about leaving fifteen minutes before the class is over.  I used to hate her but now it makes me comfortable, like going home. It is possible that the ventilation system has been upgraded because the room doesn't seem to smell as much like R Kelley's sheets.
My long suffering wife made my lunch today. I recommend sliced raw sweet potatoes.  They are crunchy, sweetish, and a whole 5 inch sweet potato is like 100 calories.  Sorry Cobourn, 112.
This evening I decided to run to the gym to lift.  Lifting was a good idea. Running outside was not.  Aye Carumba.  I generally roll my eyes when people complain about the air quality.  I work in and out of doors all day and other than not being scenic I have never really had a problem. After tonight however I feel like something needs to be done. When I was a kid, for some reason my Dad had us burn our garbage in the back yard. I have no idea why, but he seemed to think it was prudent and I liked to play with fire so it worked.  As a stupid kid, I would play with the fire which included plastic bottles, food waste, styrofoam, etc. After a while the smoke would start to burn my eyes and my nose would run.  That's how I knew it was time to go in the house.  After the run home from the gym I feel the exact same way. Like I have been in a garage with the car running. I have proposed we drill a giant mine shaft through the base of the of whatever mountain has a lower valley on the other side to drain this sewer air out of our valleys. Eff the economy, this would create jobs.  Do it.
I'm losing. In a good way. That's rad.

Morning Weigh-In:

• 195.6
• 26.5%
• Total Weight Loss: 4.4 lbs

Day 1(2013)

Oh what a wonderful weekend.  Oddly, I actually road a bike Saturday.  Did a little course recon for the Frozen Hog.  It was 0 degrees when I started and after and hour or so of trying to pack the snow down with my bike it was 8 degrees. I always like to  imagine that I burn more calories in the cold trying to keep warm. I have no science to back it up.  Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing.
I let the little woman know about my plans to binge over the weekend and we headed over to our favorite ghetto sushi joint.  It's not particularly great, but it's good.  The all you can eat option let's you gamble.  When I'm really on my game we can crush at least six rolls. Just for fun when I came home I started punching  the sushi into the Lose It app which I had never done before.  I was amazed how few calories sushi has.  Even with the rice.  Later that day I found myself on my own for dinner.  I decided to have a fond farewell to Rocky Mountain Wing Shak. I was surprised the other way when I punched the wings in.  Holy shit.  One wing is 140 calories!  I ate ten.  The hour on the bike did not offset the wings.  Then I attended a birthday party which featured a cupcake/cake/cookie buffet.  I stopped punching things into the app.
Sunday breakfast was two cupcakes from the party and a leftover slice of pizza.  Then I spent the day grazing from the fridge.  Until we went to my sainted Mother's birthday party which featured Lasagna, cookies and cake.  Didn't bother to punch anything in for Sunday.
And so it begins...
Incredibly, This morning saw a two pound drop from "The Deuce" of Friday. I always seem to blow through the pounds the first couple days.  Like those pounds are foamy fat.  Like when you open can shaken pop can and it starts running out all over the place.  You freak out and start sucking it down to keep it from spilling.  Only the fat spills over your belt.
Got off to a rough start workout wise.  I woke up at 3:30a and couldn't get back to sleep. The plan was to get up at 5 and head to a spin class.  finally dozed off again just before 5 and decided to stay in bed for a bit and then go lift instead. Spent some time warming up running which always makes me sweat like Nixon debating Kennedy. The weight room has been redone since I was last there so it took a bit to find what I needed. After 45 mins or so I took a swig of water and got immediately sick. Was afraid my digestive tract was going to evacuate and I wasn't sure which direction it was going. Made my way out to the parking lot and let it fly into the bushes.  Awesome.  Felt immediately better. It's like my body wasn't used to physical exertion or something. Weird.
Did really well food wise. When I got home I went back for that spin class. Sweating in the dark with fat chicks and old men. Evening classes are a little different than morning classes.  At least it was easy to find a bike. With the two a days, I only net a few hundred calories. The Crisco practically runs down your leg when you do that.
Starting to feel the Eye Of The Tiger, even though it's only been one day.  Rising up to the challenge of my rivals.

Morning Weigh-In:

• 198
• 28.7%
• -2 lbs

The Plan

I used this blog two years ago under similar circumstances to publicly shame myself into getting into shape.  I intend to do the same thing. Detailed below is the plan I have used with success in the past.

Mardi Gras
Last time around I began with a binge. A couple of days where I could bid a fond farewell to the deep fried, cheese and carb laden things that make my world go round.  Hot wings, breakfast burritos, big greasy burgers.  The next 36 hours are going to be delightful. But then it's down to business.  As cliche as it sounds to start Monday, I'm starting Monday.
Average Joes
Recently renewed membership at the city rec center that is a few blocks from my house.  It is not fancy.  And it smells, and there are no attractive people that work out there.  Perfect. They have early morning spin classes and a weight room.  Both were used with success last time. And on those rare occasions that I choose to run, they have a terrible, depressing, gray, indoor track.  With average temps in the teens and chewable air, I'm going to have to do a lot of work indoors. Cycling is possible in the winter but is much more complicated.
Brown Baggin' It
Lunch on the run is my biggest downfall.  I do service work and drive around in a van all day.  There is no microwave or break room fridge.  I eat fast food five days out of five during the week.  More often than not I also eat fast food for breakfast.  It is not unusual for me to eat >1500 calories for breakfast and then again at lunch. (Not to brag or anything).
Add It Up
The surest way to know if I'm eating too much is to log every single thing I eat.  I use the Lose It! app. It is very simple and also lets you log exercise.  It gives you a budget for the day based on your goals.  Exercise also figures into the budget.  I don't get really hung up on the budget but at least it gives me a baseline.  When I am really hitting it hard I often have a net calorie deficit for a day.  First go around I didn't have a smart phone so I was doing it on my ipod.  With the smart phone it's much simpler.  Search function makes finding foods easier when you aren't at home and you can scan barcodes on products.
A side benefit is that it helps you get in the habit of making wise food choices.  Even after I stopped tracking calories last time, I had a firmer idea of the "food as fuel" concept.
Two A Days
There are 24 usable hours in every day.  For the most part, I can go to the gym and still be to work by 8. When daylight and temperatures are more reasonable it's even easier because I am able to get in an hour ride without having to go the gym. It just means I have to get back in the habit of waking up at 5.  Since I am old, I usually wake up at six anyway.  Only now I just walk out to the couch and watch the news until the rest of the family wakes up.
The most success I had was when I did something in the evening as well.  I alternate weights and cardio. Whatever I do in the morning, I do the other in the evening. With the weights I'm not trying to get yoked, just work hard.
Evenings are harder, working late, kids, a long Netflix queue.  You know how it is. But if I consistently make mornings happen the evenings are less critical.
Goals
I ride bikes and as such have several events a year that you really can't do off the couch.  Last year I did them off the couch.  It was hard.  This will be the third year I have done the Crusher In The Tushar. A 70 mile race on mostly dirt roads with 10k feet of climbing.  The first year was the last time I "trained". Even though I fell apart in the month leading up to the race, I managed to carry a little fitness into the race and had a reasonable result. At that point it was the hardest thing I had ever done. That year still is.  I heard it said recently that cycling is where people train 20 hours a week to be mediocre.  I strive for mediocrity and usually fall short.
My "goal" as far as weight goes is 165 pounds.  I haven't been 165 pounds since the Clinton administration.  But I got within 10 pounds last time.  I believe it is attainable.  If I get there I will be freaking sexy.  At 175 I was actually starting to see abs at the top of my gut.  Another ten pounds and I'm sure I would have had actual abs.
Reality
I can't dedicate my life to fitness and don't want to.  This is not a sustainable lifestyle for me.  But I do tend to hang on to fitness for quite a while after one of these hard charges.  To preserve sanity I will take weekends off as far as the diet goes and Sunday belongs to Jesus as far as working out is concerned.  Not that I will go crazy but I won't begrudge myself a slice of pizza with the kids or similar.  When I get into the groove. Weekends don't have a big impact because after eating clean all week, junk food makes me sick.  Much easier to stop at just one when I know it is going to make sick for the next 12 hours.

And so it begins.  Right now, I am getting up off the couch and going to ride the Frozen Hog course.  It will be snowy and cold.

Rock Top

It seems inappropriate to say I am at rock bottom.  It would imply that I was moving down. I am in fact moving up.  My God I hope I have topped out.
Until this day I was able to say with honesty that I had never broken "The Deuce"  Can't even bring myself to say Two Hundre.... Yeesh.  This is no longer the case.  As of today. I am officially in uncharted territory.
I'm Big.
Also for the first time in about 18 years I have been off a bike for several months. My last real ride was the UTCX Cross out Cancer fundraiser back in October.  I was of course at the back of the pack, but I did work.  Soon after that I had strep throat, and after that I was busy, and then it was Christmas, etc.
I have crossed the line from yearning to ride and now dreading it.
It is incredibly depressing. I knew I was swelling up, but didn't really think it had gotten that out of hand.
One of the buildings I work in has mirrored walls in the elevator.  When riding alone there is nothing to look at but your own CabbagePatchKid-esque face. It have grown quite fond of staring at my boots of late.
So now is where I make a choice. Either throw in the towel and give in to my genetics(it will require the purchase of a new wardrobe), or I can suck it up and get to work.
I haven't decided yet.

Today's Weigh  In: The Deuce